“What would my life look like without fear?”

She glanced around her room and thought about her day: getting ready for work, taking the bus to her downtown office and spending the day answering calls from customers. Some of them would be kind and others would be their cantankerous selves.

She had been dreaming again, painting pictures of the future with bold brushstrokes and bright colors.

The strength and energy needed to reach for the future would mean moving through and past her fear. She knew it affected more than her external world and she wondered what would happen upon facing and moving past her fear; it seemed too familiar to let go of, almost as though it had weaved itself throughout her and she wondered what parts of her would be left without it.

—–

After listening carefully, a dear friend shared her thoughts with me, “I think that sometimes when seasons change and we find ourselves in a new place, we often try to rely on old structures and ways of doing life, but they don’t work in the new season.”

This hit home. It’s been two months since I began working from home and I dislike the tension that comes from the new. Not only is the new a tangled bundle of both positives and negatives, it also requires courage.

If you have a trailblazer personality, you LOVE the new. It may even be one of your favorite parts of life: exciting, unexpected and full of possibility and adventure. For the rest of us, the new often ignites a quiet fluttering of fear. I loved your responses on Facebook to my request for fear busting advice. Thank you!

It is such an encouragement to know that I am not the only human to feel and face fear (duh!) and to hear from you.

You encouraged me to draw close to God, spend time in His Word, persevere and to renew my mind: remembering that God is in control and surrendering to Him is freeing because it allows me to do my best and then to rest and leave the results of my labor in HIS mighty hands.

My mom sent me a quote, reminding me that I don’t need to fix myself or my thoughts before coming to God. I can bring my fears to Him.

Although it is important and even indispensable for our spiritual lives to set apart time for God and God alone, our prayer can only become unceasing communion when all our thoughts —— beautiful or ugly, high or low, proud or shameful, sorrowful or joyful —-  can be thought in the presence of the One who dwells in us and surrounds us…The main question, therefore, is not so much what we think, but to whom we present our thoughts . . .  to think and live in the presence of Love. –Henri Nouwen

What a timely reminder to bring all of ourselves to God instead of fearfully editing ourselves or waiting until we feel presentable.

When my friend Tina dug a little deeper and asked me specifically what I was afraid of, I shared my continued struggle  of making my writing a priority and the fear of what will happen if I do. Since then I’ve been thinking of her response:

All things worth their weight in fear. Write what you are proud of and let go of the outcome. Set your daily word count. 1,000 words a day or 500 words a day and do it. Every day. You know what you have to do to push through fear. Write and enjoy it, let your spirit get swept up and taken over by the project! It will fill you and fear will fall away. Until it’s time to write the next project. –Tina Bustamante

For more of Tina’s thoughts on fear and creativity, click HERE for her blog.

When I think of my life without fear, I see more creativity, energy and self-giving love. Instead of seeing how far I could fall, I see how far I could climb. I stop playing the what if game, no longer immobilized by false and fleeting imaginings.

My fear gives the illusion of having control. It feels active because it is, actively shackling and weighing me down.

I love Tina’s response because it reminds me that moving past fear requires both a mental choice and action. As I choose to create and move forward through tangible goals and actions, my fear is diminished. I am caught up in something bigger than my fear: choosing to create.

When I have a project I am pouring myself into, there is little time for fearful fretting, because I am doing the work. 

Sometimes doing the work is sitting in front of a keyboard. Sometimes doing the work is picking up the phone to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes doing the work is revamping a resume and applying for a job one feels under-qualified for.

What “work” is your fear keeping you from? How will you move forward? 

For me, my fear keeps me from writing, despite the ideas bubbling up inside waiting to be given form. I’m taking Tina’s advice and have committed to writing 500 words a day.

Thank you for journeying with me. I love hearing from you.

Deanne