I Called A Monster

**inspired by the movie A Monster Calls.

The movie along with my amazing and brave friends in my book club, inspired me to make this declaration. It is time to write my memoir.

My morning pages today we’re focused on why I have been avoiding it, even though I know it is time.

This is my declaration.

 

6/9/2017

I commit to type and write the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

The truth in all its ugliness and beauty. I will not hide a single wart.

I will write what is in my soul and heart to write – both the light and the darkness.

No more hiding.

No more silence.

The dark cage of behave, be quiet, be good is broken.

I will not apologize. I will not hide.

I release shame, I release guilt, I embrace my brokenness and my light.

There is beauty in the shards of my breaking being. There is light shining through each crack.

I will let my light shine.

I will write the story of my childhood and that I both hated and loved being a missionary kid.

That I both lost and found myself at sea.

That I felt a part of every place and person I met and yet devastatingly separate, like an intruder peering through a lit window at night.

The immense loneliness that almost buried and consumed me and the love I fell into when I finally unveiled and shared my pain.

 

There is treasure in me and I will write my story word by word. Both the weeds and the wheat grow together and it is not until they mature that we can separate the two.

Our lives are a mixture of weeds and wheat and it is only in hindsight that we can differentiate the two.

 

I am loved. I am an insider. I am safe and there is no fear of repercussions for sharing my story: it is mine.

I have called a monster and it is within my story, its knotted roots stretching through everything.

But in the telling of the story, I am healed and set free.

 

My story is our story.

Although the details differ, every person will find a piece of themselves within my story and I find pieces of me within their story.

We are all connected, single cells within the large breathing moving organism of humanity.

7 Comments

  • Kristin

    June 12, 2017

    I love forward to reading every word of your story.

  • dwelsh

    June 13, 2017

    Thank you Kristin! This brought tears to my eyes! Thank you!

  • dwelsh

    June 13, 2017

    happy loved tears

  • Jathan

    June 18, 2017

    “Our lives are a mixture of weeds and wheat and it is only in hindsight that we can differentiate the two.”

    Very true. Time, reflection, and introspection are needed.

  • dwelsh

    June 21, 2017

    yes exactly! The important and very difficult thing to do is to slow down long enough to give oneself time for the reflection and introspection.

  • Ruth

    July 29, 2017

    I applaud your dedication to do this! Life carries on and we can go with the flow, putting distance between us the vital years of life that mold us into adults. You amaze me! Face those monsters face-to-face! And let me know if you need a wine break… I hear Bevmo delivers!!

  • dwelsh

    August 18, 2017

    a wine break – skype friend date- that sounds awesome 🙂

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