You are standing in the midst of a beautiful life,
but all you see is the ugliness.
His words stung. I knew he wasn’t negating the difficulties in my life, but he was afraid I would miss the many gifts and opportunities. He was right.
It’s so easy for me to fall into a victim mentality: if only I didn’t have to work, if only I had more energy, if only my sister didn’t move… I had allowed the pain points of my life to dictate my reality.
Jon’s words, and the encouragement of my counselor to STAY IN THE PRESENT instead of worrying about the future and past, helped me begin to see the beauty I already possessed and was taking for granted. These are the ways I am currently learning to put into practice.
Being Present
This is harder than it sounds, especially if you are anything like me. Certain personalities seem to have an easier time of this. But for all of us A-type, get it done yesterday, planning for 3,000 days in the future kind of people, this is HARD. It takes effort for me to stop what I’m doing to listen to co-workers. When I drive, it takes a conscious choice to stop running through problems and focus on the scenery, the music or talking to God in the NOW.
When I do spend the effort to be present, I feel centered and fully aware of the moment. Instead of missing the moment, I am living it.
Practicing Positive Self Talk
The most important place to be positive and affirming is in our self talk. Seth Godin had an excellent short blog on self talk and said, “There’s no amount of external validation that can undo the constant drone of internal criticism.” Click on the link to read the full post.
It’s easy to look to others for validation and encouragement, but if we don’t believe the words of our loved ones, their encouragement will not stick. A deeper remedy is needed. I’ve been practicing being kinder and more truthful with myself. I’m not trying to falsely build up my esteem. Instead my goal is to acknowledge difficult situations and negative feelings and to speak truth to them. “There is a lot going on in your life right now.” “It makes sense that you feel tired/overwhelmed…” “Just do your best.” “You have value even if x,y, and z does not get done.” etc. It feels cheesy at times, but it’s a work in progress.
As a Christian, I also seek out God’s truth. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young is one of my favorite devotionals. I read them slowly, giving them time to sink in. Some days it’s easy to believe. Other days the words ring hollow and I ask God for his help.
Taking Inventory
Like a dusty attic full of forgotten and neglected treasure, our lives are full of unnoticed wealth. A year ago I began a thankfulness journal to keep track of daily blessings. Although I have not written in it every day (or even close to that), there are around 20 pages full of short paragraphs listing blessings. They range from tangible (receiving a free crib when Eli was born) to intangible (a great conversation with a friend).
Writing in the journal slows me down enough to think about the wealth in my life: Jon, Eli, family, friends, work I love, health, a computer to write on, sunshine, cookies, the color green… the list is endless.
It’s also a great place to go when I need a reminder of the gifts in my life, but it’s one thing to scrawl down a list of things you’re thankful for and quite another to take the time to say thank you.
Saying Thank You
This is a big one for me. It means acknowledging the important people in my life and taking the time to verbally thank them. It means not just being in the moment, but thanking God for the moment. It means not just being positive towards myself, but thanking God that I have a self/personality/personhood/life.
Jon’s words were a turning point for me. It has been a difficult season and although I am not negating that, I am slowly returning to a place where I can walk through the sadness without missing the beauty around me. I have been given so much and I don’t want to miss it.
PS: I would love to hear from you. What helps you notice and embrace the beauty around you?