I’m embarking into a new season and although I won’t be able to share the details with you for a few weeks, the change is bringing my fears to the surface. They stand in the space of unknown and taunt me. In an effort to both give voice to my fears and to move past them, I am typing these words. Unarticulated fear is worse than pinpointed fear. A fuzzy haze of fear cripples me, whereas knowing what we fear allows me to make a conscious choice of whether or not I will give into it.
Fear #1- Will I make a difference?
As a writer, and even just as a human, I am afraid of having nothing to contribute, or worse, for my contributions to be seen as cheap or without value. My soul knows this is a lie and that I have experience, insight and words that can minister to others, but it’s hard to move past the nagging voice that my effort will result in nothing. I face this fear every time I sit down at the keyboard and accounts for the days (sometimes weeks) between blog posts. It clouds my thinking and tries to punish me for thinking outside the box and being creative. Just typing this makes me sad. It’s easy to see the lie when it’s written out in black and white.
Too often I allow fear to shackle my thoughts. It locks them inside, never allowing them to be birthed into shared words and stories. [Tweet that]
Fear – Am I making the right choice
Even after I had made the choice that would bring me into a new season, it was hard not to second guess myself. I was afraid that perhaps I had made the wrong choice and that by making the ‘wrong’ choice, God would either punish or forget about me. This fear reveals a lack of trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty. Although I want to make a wise choice and to seek God’s guidance, many of our day to day choices are not inherently good or bad. A mentor once told me that it is best to take your time making a decision and praying about it — but that once it is made, let it go. The emotion that fear can kick up through our second guessing is debilitating.
Fear – Will I fail?
This is the sneakiest of my fears because it enjoys sabotaging me before I’ve even begun my work. It tempts me to play it safe and to edit my creativity down to what others might see as acceptable. It causes me to seek affirmation and approval from the people in my life instead of authentic relationship. My people-pleasing stems from pride and a desire to self-protect; it easily becomes my excuse for putting off pursuing my dreams.
Just typing out these fears is cathartic, but know for the most important part: what will I do?
Fear # 1: I don’t know the type of difference I will make; I want to leave the results in God’s hands and instead focus on being faithful with the gifts He has given me.
Fear # 2: While I do not know all that will result from my choice to change seasons, I know that God is faithful. I am not walking through this season alone. He has been faithful through every seasons in my past. I know I can trust Him for this one.
Fear # 3 The question of whether I will or will not fail is a black and white way to look at the world. Will I win or lose? Instead of accepting this mentality, I want to change my focus to embracing the process. There will be growth, experienced gained, wisdom attained and I can keep moving forward. I remember back to my dating days and even the terrible dates resulted in a funny story. I want to remember that ‘failure’, if we really want to label it that, is a stepping stone. I can label it failure or simply an experience that brought me insight.
What about you? What fears are you currently facing? How do you want to move forward?