Let’s start at the beginning. In December my husband and I moved in with his mother to get out of debt while he finished school (he graduates in October). We did this prayerfully and knowing it would not be easy to share space and to downsize.

We sold and gave away all but a few pieces of furniture and moved in to Mama Welsh’s home shortly before Christmas. She is generous and openly shares her space with us. Because Jon and I shared a car, she has also been open handed with driving me to a weekly Bible study and to the store.

Change is never easy and because of our new location, Jon was unable to carpool as he had a few days a week before. Within a few weeks I began to feel the soul weariness from being dependent on someone else’s schedule and not having the freedom to find space outside with just me and Eli. I downplayed the difficulty of it and didn’t realize how stressful it was until two weeks ago, on a Tuesday morning, when all the pushed aside emotion hit me. I felt stuck, overwhelmed and deeply sad.

On that soul searching Tuesday, after pages of journaling and a conversation with Jon, I had pinpointed the two stressors: not having a car and struggling to find time to complete my work. I brainstormed solutions and Jon and Mama Welsh offered to help by taking Eli a couple times a week so I could work.

I felt a gentle nudge to pray for a free car, but pushed it aside as crazy. Why would God give me a free car?

Every year for the season of Lent, our church, Journey Community Church, does a series called Leap of Faith. Everyone is encouraged to take an internal inventory and to bring their deepest desires to God. It is hardest to trust God with our deepest feelings and the people or things we care most about. These are the areas where we have the most to lose. We subconsciously decide that it is easier to give up than to hope and trust only to be disappointed.

Once we have uncovered what is truely on our hearts, whether tangible or intangible needs, we are encouraged to pray for them each day for the duration of Lent. Our focus is not on results, but on hearing from God and deeper intimacy with Him.

A free car did not make my list.

The Wednesday morning after my Tuesday meltdown, I went to Mom’s group. During the sharing time, I shared my meltdown story and my solutions, but I left out the part about a car. I didn’t mention that a car would make a world of difference.

Then it happened. A dear friend in my small group prayed for me, “God, please provide Deanne with a free car.” Tears began rolling down my cheeks. How did she know what to pray? She described me as a caged bird and how a car would set me free, allowing me to soar and even be a blessing to others.

She prayed what I could not. If I had had courage, I would have prayed what she did.

Her prayer gave me the courage to pray. I still felt silly asking and even thanking God for a free car when there was none in sight, but I knew I needed to invite Him into it.

If God could give her the words to pray, He could provide a car. I carefully posted on Facebook asking if anyone had a car they were looking to gift and describing Jon and my current season.

I didn’t know if we would receive a car, but as I prayed for a car, something deep within me shifted. 

Walls I had built between God and my heart began to crumble. My friend’s prayer reminded me that I am seen, loved and valued. Sometimes being a stay at home mom caught between diaper changes and a busy toddler, I feel alone, small and invisible.

A week and a half later, Jon received an email. I wept reading it. Jon’s close friend is currently living and working overseas. He had seen my Facebook post from the week before and generously graciously kindly GIFTED us his car!

A FREE car! I couldn’t believe it! Not just for the value freely given, but for God’s amazing provision. We picked it up last Sunday and are currently in the process of transferring the title. It still feels surreal! Jon has been driving it this week until we get it checked out tomorrow, but I CAN’T WAIT to start driving it regularly!

An even deeper shift is happening in my heart, I feel God’s gentle invitation to deeper trust and reliance on Him. 

Self-reliance and independence come so easily to me and then I stress myself out trying to do everything on my own. This has been such a reminder to me to STOP and ASK and WAIT on God.

I hope my story encourages you. I don’t know what is on your heart or what you are or are not praying for. I don’t know how God will answer your prayers, but I hope that you experience His tangible affection for you.

Thank you for journeying with me,

Deanne & Jon & Eli too