There are days where I long for a blueprint to be delivered by a white dove from heaven: The blueprint for Deanne’s life and the reason for her existence. It seems easier than having to think, pray and wait on God’s purposes. It would mean an elimination of the confusion and wondering of where events will take me. I could read the last page and know the outcome, “Ah. So that’s how it happens.”

The downside is that the discovery and wonder of my life would be removed. I would fight harder against the sections of the plan I did not like and desperately try to extend the seasons of happiness. If I had a blueprint, I would focus on creating systems and schedules to maximize my productivity, but I want more than to get a bunch of crap done.

I want to live with a deep sense of purpose and meaning. [TWEET THAT]

So I’ve been setting aside my lists and systems in an effort to discover my WHY. I wish the process were easy, but discovering my WHY takes time and intentionality. It’s a messy process, but there are moments of illumination. It’s easier to think about what I should do, could do or even what others expect  me to do. But when I operate in the should-could-expected mode, I am easily overwhelmed.

When my to do list is divorced from my soul’s deepest longings and motivations, it becomes a joy killer.  [TWEET THAT]

While I will never have a blueprint for my life, articulating my WHY can help me decide which opportunities to say yes and no to.

On my journey to finding and articulating my why, I’ve been

  • Journaling
  • Asking friends for feedback
  • Praying
  • Reading books, specifically Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek

Part of the reason for my search to articulate my why is that I have been lingering in bed in the morning, not wanting to face the day. I want to recapture my vision and purpose. I want to wake up with a vision worth pursuing.

I want to be spiritually, emotionally and physically vibrant.

This means taking time and creating the space for journaling, reflecting, and exercise.

I want to minister to others through written and spoken words.

This means creating space to daydream, write and edit.

 At the marriage retreat Jon and I attended last weekend, I realized that I have been putting these things off. Self care and writing are important to me, but my actions and time management have been saying the opposite. Putting one’s oxygen mask on first, before helping others, is easier said than done. Why else do you think it gets repeated before each flight and drilled into the brains of emergency first-response teams? It doesn’t come naturally. We are wired to do the most urgent, even if it is least important. Being a people-pleaser, I feel wired to put the needs of others above my own. But this is not sustainable and my soul weariness has finally gained my attention.

I want to take better care of myself.

I’ve also been praying about ministry and while I’m nervous to even type and hit publish on these words, I wanted to share my vision with you.

I want to help people create space for a deeper connection to God, themselves and others.

Some of my preferred methods for doing this is by helping people slow down, reflect on and simplify their lives. This allows us to rest, be refreshed, grow, learn and flourish creatively and in our relationships. I’m not 100 % sure what this will look like going forward, but it feels good to have put it into words. Words are more concrete than gut feelings, even if they are imperfect.

Thank you for journeying with me. I love hearing from you.

Have you ever drafted a personal vision/ mission statement? I would love to hear it.

Deanne