Miracles are risky because they require a gap between reality and desire. They imply a deficit, need or crevice where more is required. I would rather not be in need of a miracle. The Oxford dictionary defines a miracle as, “a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.”
Since changing positions and starting to work from home, I’ve found myself in need of the miraculous. The numbers I carefully added up before the transition were no longer adding up. Worry and stress threatened to steal the joy of extra time with Eli. I hate admitting I need help. Despite my desire to push through on my own, I paused and spent time journaling: asking God for help because I knew I needed it. Each time I did, I felt him inviting me to rest and trust.
“Be a flower,” became my silly yet profound mantra as I reflected on Matthew 6:28 to 30
“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith.” (NKJV)
Flowers are vibrant, peaceful and present in the moment. They bloom unexpectedly and stand still in quiet oblivion to the noises and chaos around them. When work was slow, I took a deep breath and thanked God for the work that was available instead of focusing on how little it was.
“On occasion, God might actually limit your resources just so that when He does stuff, you won’t be tempted to try and take credit for it.” Brian Berry (Pastor at Journey Community Church) [TWEET THAT]
Although I hate to admit it, I haven’t needed to depend on God like this for awhile.
Then it happened.
A friend connected me to a neighbor! who was looking for a personal assistant. Her previous assistant had just moved out of town and she had spent the last few weeks praying for a replacement. The timing of her need and my need were perfect. Her proximity is perfect for our one car family. My skills are freeing her up to focus on her priorities, making her life less stressful. The schedule is flexible and my time with Eli is preserved. I get choked up just typing this.
As I thanked God for the amazing opportunity to serve and earn extra income, I felt Him whisper,
Deanne, see gifts from me as a way of life, a reflection of my never changing character instead of an anomaly to cling to.
Ouch. My fear and lack of trust exposed. It’s easy to say I believe in God and trust His provision, but when I come face to face with a need or situation I can’t see around, I question whether He cares. Often the doubt is rooted in lies: I’m not important. God’s already given me my quota of gifts. I’m not sure I can trust God, maybe I should try harder on my own…
My perspective of scarcity keeps me from trusting God; there’s not enough to go around and so I must cling to what I have and want with tenacity and fear.
The alternative is a perspective of generosity and trust; God has always provided and will continue to provide. Instead of grasping fear, I can live with open hands. Accepting the gifts God gives me and generously sharing with others. My soul and supplies will be replenished. Instead of the cluttered dusty home of a hoarder, I can live in an open space, giving and receiving in trust.
Are there areas of your life where you need God to show up?
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Thank you for journeying with me,
Deanne
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